Did the Church Cause My Exodus?

Americans' membership in houses of worship continued to decline last year, dropping below 50% for the first time in Gallup's eight-decade trend. In 2020, 47% of Americans said they belonged to a church, synagogue, or mosque, down from 50% in 2018 and 70% in 1999.- Jeffrey M. Jones, U.S. Church Membership Falls Below Majority for First Time

Listen, we don't even need a study on this. People have been leaving the church in droves since (at least) 2010. Just look around you (pre-pandemic eyes of course). Nonetheless, although some members have not only left the church— they de-converted from Christianity:

I ain’t one of ‘em.

That wasn't the case for me. The last church I attended was the best church I attended. And, still, I de-converted. Nonetheless, I would like to share my experiences at some places that did help me understand why some people abhor the church and what made me leave those churches.

The Church I Grew Up In

The church I was indoctrinated in was a Pentecostal church. Of course, I had the typical childhood memories of growing up in a small church. Unfortunate trauma I dealt with concerning "well-meaning" members (sadly, that's typical too).  Either way, I met and bonded with some extraordinary people at the church. Those people got a beach chair seat in my heart.

In the summer of 2013, I felt a spiritual ceiling at the church I grew up in. The questions couldn’t be answers, archaic traditions did more damage than good and the youth weren’t being seen (from my perspective at least). I prayed about it and felt this push to go. Terrified of the unknown, I mustered up the courage to speak with my former Pastor about it. Their response? I was warned that other churches don’t believe what we believed (I was already non-denominational and so over women having to wear certain attires on a pulpit, etc.) and then they said,

“God will not bypass leadership and tell you to leave.”

I was livid, flabbergasted, and in tears. However, that was my confirmation and serious black flag to leave. Looking back now, even if I didn’t de-convert, leaving that church was a must. A day later, my former Paster attempted to re-arrange the words but— somethings you just can’t take back…. But I was still heavy in the faith

Chile…

At my college, I heard some horror stories about some churches they attended or were members of. Welp, mine may not be awful, but whew!

via GIPHY

The Familiar Church

There was a church that reminded me of the church I grew up in. My name: Justbreathejasmine was birthed from an incomprehensible moment there. When I decided to become a member and read the bylaws…

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Women have to wear skirts on the pulpit, no piercings, dress modestly so you don't tempt your fellow brother or sister in Christ….and my favorite: You must hand in a note when missing too many church services… When I spoke with the pastor about it, I was told that the bylaws are old, but the pastor wouldn’t change it. I spoke about the dress code and a few other policies that made my eyebrows raise higher than a 800 credit score. The pastor chose the hoarding tactic and was firm on such odd laws. A week or two later, that pastor was dishonest about what was said to me. After they made a statement about arrogance and science from the pulpit while looking at me, I chuckled to myself and never returned.

From my personal experience, whenever I asked questions, whenever I inquired about the faith, church politics, and shady shit going on— I was called arrogant. I never thought I was better than anyone — quite the opposite during that time.

⚠️Guys, if your questions and inquiries cause someone to use tactics to drown you out or name call—leave. And be quick about it. ⚠️

The Final Church I Attended

Finding Clarendon Road Church was a breath of fresh air. No foolish rules and odd lines of control. Questions were answered with grace and kindness. Even the honest: I don’t knows were respected. That church just gave Bible, God, and community. Nothing else. No clothing politics, piercings, how a woman is supposed to be or not be. No spiritual bypassing. The Pastor was clear that action is also needed to be done alongside praying. Activism was just important there. People pooled together to help those in need. That Pastor was known in the community. When some members I was close to found out that I de-converted, they respected my decision and kept it pushin’. ‘Til this day, if people ask for any church recs, I mention Clarendon…

Conclusion

Leaving Christianity felt like a weight was lifted off my shoulders. For some, freedom is found in Christ. My experience is the complete opposite. But I will say that the last church I attended was not the reason for leaving. However, it did give me hope that there are churches that just give you their interpretation of the Bible and teach balance. I share this because it’s so annoying hearing de-converters ( I hear it too) tell me how Christians cut them off mid conversation and explain to them that they shouldn’t leave for people—That it isn’t always the case.

Some of us left because of the religion itself. For those who have left the church because of people: I would ask the Christians to check your fellow brother and sister instead of shaming the person who left the church. I've heard too many stories to know: It’s coming from inside the house…

People leave organizations, religions, relationships, jobs and etc. If it ain’t working out for an individual- then it just aint working out. We all just want peace, authenticity and love. I think we should let people do what they need to achieve those 3 thngs as long as it causWith all the strife and foolishness we got goin’ on in life, respect people’s choices that do no harm to you or others.