I had a dream recently that was actually a memory. When I was 26, someone was talking to me about how they usually get what they want. They told me that they don’t take NO for an answer and mentioned ways they would get a YES. Looking back, I realized how I was punished for telling them NO. Or, they would shape shift and use various tactics to manipulatively get that YES from me. Later on that day, I watched a reel on IG that spoke about not taking NO for an answer from potential clients. It made me cringe. What’s the deal with people disrespecting NO? If a potential client says NO, if a loved says NO, some people see that as room to coerce/manipulate/dragoon.
It’s as if the business arena and loved one arena is exempt from consent. It isn’t. It never was.
Dear Mr and Ms Predatory Persistence:
Take NO as an answer and get over it.
There have been songs, movies and well-known business people who utilize this saying to encourage people to follow their dreams.
“Don’t take ‘no’ for an answer, never submit to failure. Do not be fobbed off with mere personal success or acceptance. You will make all kinds of mistakes, but as long as you are generous and true, and also fierce, you cannot hurt the world or events. - Winston Churchill
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I understand the intention. When one door closes, find another one- or maybe the timing wasn’t right so, you wait. When one person tells you NO- don’t give up. There is a YES… FROM SOMEONE ELSE.
However, from my personal experience, people’s stories, and what I keep reading on forums:
NAH.
There are pushy salesman, partners, religious folk, friends and #LLCTwitter that spew this slogan.
A few years ago, someone said to me, “Your partner isn’t always gonna to listen to you when you say No. Get over it.” I distanced myself. I ain’t entertaining nobody who doesn’t comprehend a NO from a grown person. Been there. Done that.
When I was in college, my best friend and I were leaving the mall after watching a movie. We were standing by the exit, waiting for our cab to arrive. Another cab driver was standing by the exit looking for customers. He asked if we wanted a ride. We said NO because we already had a cab coming…
Long story short, he attempted to bully us into snagging a ride. My best friend had to literally shove me into the car (that we already called in prior) because the pushy cab guy was being ridiculous!
I’m sure we all know a few people who won’t take NO for an answer- only to be disappointed with the person who gave them a reluctant YES or worse, punish people who remained grounded in their NO.
People who refuse to respect a person’s No are hoping to transform that No into a Maybe. From there, a Maybe into a YES.
Yay… nothin’ goes better with someone’s coffee than dragooning him/her into some mess.
The thing is, the initial answer was NO. An answer isn’t taken. It’s given. Fuck mild coercion. Respect the NO and get a YES from someone who intuitively and authentically tells you YES.
Why are you seeking and digging for a reluctant YES when there is a solid YES elsewhere?
10 years in this thing (slurps my luxurious ramen noodles and sips my bougie instant coffee). Anyway…I wanted to celebrate a decade as an indie author with the release of my eighth poetry collection, Rising From the Shadows. Pre-orders are now available for a December 10th release!