Job loss, events cancelled, weddings shut down, nowhere to go and ‘Rona runnin’ rampant. Did I get everything? Oh, yes…
AND THOSE DAMN FIREWORKS POPPIN’ OFF EVERY 2.4 SECONDS. Chile…
For me, I had bad days where my heart was racing because of the mysterious alternative world surrounding me. Moments where intrusive thoughts played tag with my worry-warted mind. There were moments I felt low and trapped because it (the new normal) shattered my individual structure. As soon as things were looking up for me and I felt comfortable in the position I was in with life: It all crumbled. Especially in the beginning. My father is an essential worker. I got laid off from a job I loved, unemployment was moving slower than frozen molasses on a December and I didn’t have any PPE: I was terrified.
My gut whispered that everything would be okay. My gut was saying one thing while my surroundings said another. 5 months later and you know what: Everything is okay. It isn’t perfect. Bonafide shit storm. We’re still in a pandemic.
BUT
Damnit, I am here. And there are a few things that I am thankful for during this quarantine and pandemic.
Time
“It is my opinion that time brings all things to fruition; by time all things are made plain; time is the father of truth.”
- Francois Rabelais
Time is the father of truth. Chile…. That saying revealed its whole behind during the quarantine. Time showed me that although I was doing inner work, the outer work was lacking as I mentioned three blog posts ago. During the moments I meditated or looked in the mirror, I saw it all. The restlessness and busyness to distract myself from taking care of my physical being was all over my face and belly. Without this quarantine, I wouldn’t bow to time’s ugly truth of my self-negligence.
Moments with Her
Yes, we had sporadic date nights here and there, but with our conflicting work schedules, we shared bite-sized had quality moments together. During quarantine (and now) we played dominoes, Uno, Scrabble, monopoly and Connect Four. We returned to our walks around the neighborhood together, we could lie in our bed and giggle at silly things. We could cook together and enjoy each other’s company. The aforementioned is important, ya’ll. She is my fiancé. If I can’t handle seeing her every day or if I’m always frustrated with her —>
Room to Create
I love to write. I love to create voice-overs to compliment or complete someone’s project. I like to color. I like to dance all over the place. During quarantine, I published three micro poetry collections, continue working on my novel, invest in more audio equipment, promote fellow artists and work on my brand (hence the new logo, pictures and updated website). I also dyed my ENTIRE head blonde, which is actually a big deal for me. I grew up in a very fundamentalist/ modest/purity culture environment. Cutting my hair, the way it is now and peppering it blonde was a biggie all by itself… but my Entire head? Yes, it was a big deal. But hot damn, I love it. With my fiancé’s support, she helped me with the process and to cut it. Ya’ll, I tried to cut to my sides by myself and butchered the hell out of it. She saved the day by repairing my cut and clipping the sides properly.
With all the mess going on politically, environmentally and demographically, it’s wonderful to see the beauty in all this mess. Without time, moments with her and room to create, I honestly don’t know how in the world I would have been able to pull through this. Thankful for the little things. Grateful for the staple things. What are you thankful for during all of this? Who are you thankful for? Let them know!