When Life Throws Potato Salad: Mindfulness in the Madness

Life will randomly throw potato salad on your bedroom wall. No matter how well you plan for the worst, you won’t be prepared for every mess life hurls at you. No one is in control of the world and the opportunities that present themselves (or lack thereof). You may not have the power to delegate what you can receive and deal with in life, but you are in control with how you respond to life’s spoiled mac and cheese circumstances.

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Worrying about conflicts, circumstances or situations that upset the natural rhythm in your life is normal. Such as: a fucking pandemic!

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Our homes, jobs, livelihood, loss of loved ones and even the mundane hum drum of life has us (understandably) wide eyed and frozen. Occasionally, it’s good to worry a bit because it can cause you to be concerned enough to address a matter. Giving into anxiety is a natural reaction to life’s spontaneity, but if your mind is lost in deep rumination, it’s time for a few positive adjustments. While anxiety is a normal reaction to stress (not ongoing anxiety, which can be generalized anxiety disorder or etc) if you continue to entertain worrying, it can cause delirious effects to your body.

            When we excessively worry, our bodies initiate a “fight or flight” response. From there, the nervous system will release two stress hormones called cortisol and adrenaline. Cortisol and Adrenal can cause physical reactions such as headaches, muscle aches, nausea and a fast heartbeat. More severe reactions such as a heart attack, digestive disorders, and muscle tension can also occur over time. Excessive worrying is not worth the slight diminishing of your well-being. Everything changes. Including the arbitrary situations that can change your mind to be overwhelmed with what-if scenarios.

Here are a few tips to avoid excessive worrying or to cease dark ruminating:

Be in the Moment

With every activity/task, you partake in, invest all of your attention to it. Whatever situation you are concerned about, don’t force it out of your mind. Only focus on the allotted task at hand and the entertained thought will fade away. If you are walking, observe your pathway. Look at the leaves( or lack thereof) , listen to the open toes sling backs clicking against the concrete, or watch the snowflakes fall as you wait for the bus. If you’re in quarantine, be present while you’re cooking. What do you smell? When was the last time you intently pet your cat or played with your dog?

Pause

• If you can stop what you’re doing and address the matter that causes you an ample amount of distress, then do so. Honestly, reflect whether there is a likely solution. Are there options that will annihilate the problem?

• If not, then acknowledge that you have no control. Breathe in deeply and release the unsolicited responsibility of the matter you cannot change.

• Never attempt to “stop” or “force” the thought to leave your mind. It will only linger longer in your mind. Allow the stressful believed to pass, but do not entertain it. You may not monitor what enters your mind. However, you can control what thoughts you can entertain. 

You are in charge of what you allow to linger in your mind. You don’t have to allow situations to crowd your thoughts and cause physical symptoms. Breathe, release, and move forward!

Please keep in mind that we’re in the middle of a pandemic. It maybe hard, but please be easy on yourself.

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The Greatest Man I Know

The greatest man I know is intuitive, kind, patient, strong, funny and peaceful.

           He isn’t the same man he was ten years ago and definitely isn’t the same man from twenty years ago. He was always a kind-hearted man, but there was a down-cast-busy vibe to him when I was younger. By the time I turned 13 years old, peace, joy and serenity ruminated within his smile. Nowadays, we use buzzwords about self-improvement, evolution, self-discovery etc. That’s him. Some belief systems he had when I was younger have now been modified or transformed for the better.

            If this man wasn’t in my life, I don’t think I’d be the woman I am today. I am open to develop and grow for the better because I watched him grow. He cares deeply about his siblings, his daughter, nieces and nephews. He is the kind of parent who apologizes to his child. He took the time to explain things to me. With every fifty-eleventh question I had, he had an answer for- even if it was, “I don’t know.” We went on road trips every year during spring break. He picked me up from school every Friday and I anticipated spending every other weekend with him. If I was sick, he’d pick me up from school and take me to the doctor. If it was too cold, he’d pick me up from Mommy’s house and drive me to school (very rare, but still). He was 100% present. My father is the greatest man I know.

            When I was a toddler, now and then my father would pick me up and walk me over to the mirror. He looked into the mirror and point asking, “Who is that pretty girl in the mirror, hm?” before I could answer he’d say, “My Princess, that’s who it is.” He’d unintentionally speak affirmations that I was creative and smart randomly. He still calls me Princess ‘til this day by the way.

              My father is my walking diary, confidant and rock. Through the good times and the bad, he was always there. Every talent show, poetry show, graduation, fashion show, extravaganza and play, my father was there. I remember in 2016; I was a featured poet at a Gala and I invited my parents to join me. When I got up to perform my piece, my father had his camera phone ready to record- yes. But he looked so proud. He was beaming, ya’ll!

                In 2015, I had a genuine conversation about my natural voice (which I still try to make a little higher unconsciously). I told my father about how I didn’t like it because peers and adults teased me about it or people would sexualize it. My father spoke to me for almost three hours on the phone about embracing my voice. He spoke about self-acceptance and how oftentimes; we are teased about the very thing that makes us stand out FOR THE BETTER. I am more confident and at ease with my natural voice because of my father.

                When I opened to my father that I wanted to be a writer, voice-over artist and entrepreneur, he was so supportive. He was realistic with me and even gave me some books to read. He invested in me and my dream, which til’ this day, I’m in awe about. Other family members told me that I was wasting my time. That I needed to be realistic and leave the writing alone. While I talked myself out of pursuing my dreams, my father talked me back into them. There is literally no one else who is as supportive as my father.

                The 30 years I’ve been on this earth, my father has been there for me, for every season. Including the horrendous seasons. When endometriosis was kicking my ass to the point I had to have surgery- he was there. When I was in an awful relationship, my father was frank and to the point to leave. When I finally did leave, he was there- with kindness and love in his words and actions. When people were all up in arms that I was engaged to a woman, my father was unbothered and more concerned about how I was being treated. I became estranged from certain family members, gossiped about, etc. I even had an uncle say to me:

It isn’t natural. It’s not okay. You hurt your mother. She sacrificed so much for you and to find this out, hurts her. If my daughter or son told me something like that, I would be devastated.

                My father’s love and support keeps me. During 2020, I got laid off from a job that I adored. Yes, it set me back a bit. But with my father’s voice, support and ear- I know I’m going to be okay. With every setback, success, failure (He says, “Sometimes you have to burn to learn.”) and miracle, I know my father will be my rock.

I am thankful for my father. The greatest man I know.

Thankful Tuesday: Olivia

Happy Thanksgiving Week, Ya’ll.

I’m thankful for my support system and my octagon of loved ones. Every so often, I make a post on social media highlighting them and being hella extra and mushy about it. This week, I’ve decided to highlight two people. One for today and another person for Thursday.

For this Thanksgiving Tuesday, I’d like to highlight: Alivey

            Her name is Olivia, but somehow I ended up calling her Alivey these last two or three years.  My mama used to refer to her as, “Olivia? Oh, the pretty one. Yes. How her Mama and everything?”

Which I’m sure she never minded that, anyway.

                We’ve been friends since college, but it wasn’t until 2013 that we got close. Olivia has been her true self from day one. Unapologetically. When I began to experience life (Remember I’m a late bloomer) in 2013, I saw Alivey in a new light. As I bloomed, she watched already knowing where I was coming from because she was once in my position: The journey of self-discovery.

            Olivia’s This is who I am, take it or leave it vibe is what I aspire to have ALWAYS. I believe that if you can’t truly be who you are, then peace cannot be invited in your heart 100%. I jokingly say sometimes and say she’s to blame for me truly finding what makes me happy and being who I am. She rubbed off on me in the most significant way: Just fucking be.

            She’s multi- faceted, creative, funny, chill, kind and supportive. Whew, she’s supportive. Lawyer, writer, doctor, stripper, hoe, singer, whatever: She’s supportive. She just wants to see her people happy. When I had my first ever poetry reading, she came through with congratulatory gifts and hugs. She has consistently been there for me, even when I slowing began leaving the 9-5 to work for myself. Whether she purchased my books, left reviews or re-shared my videos: She’s consistently been in my corner rooting for me.

             At the same time, she will NOT sugar coat and holds me accountable for my mess. She wants to see me happy, but not partake in things that reveal self-hate and damage. Whether I like to hear it or not: She gon’ check me if need be. We all need friends who will uplift and encourage us, but us hold us accountable. In 2017, I was at a bus stop losing my damn mind and Alivey reminded me of my actions and the reality of some important decisions I needed to make. I’m pretty sure I would have handled the situation another way if I didn’t reach out to her.

                2017 was one of those shitty years for me. For real. I was almost evicted. Rough, ya’ll. This woman slid grocery money my way for me to eat and it wasn’t no $100 either. She did it without hesitation. When she had a housewarming that August it was fun, ridiculous and entertaining. More importantly, I needed it. To be surrounded by good people and to be in an environment where I felt loved, safe, at ease and fed. Yes, I said fed. Alivey can throw down, ya’ll! I left the next day feeling uplifted. I can only hope that I have reciprocated and uplifted her and encouraged her during the moments she needed/needs it.

            With the heart the size of 45 Buick’s and an all white Escalade, I’m thankful for Alivey’s friendship, kindness and understanding. As the years continue, I will strive to pour into her as much as she has poured into me. She is definitely one of the gems in my life that I will keep close to me until our season is up or somebody joins their ancestors.

Black Friday Sale

40% OFF on all books until November, 30th, 2020. Roll on over to my shop and snag you a copy of some poetry, Fellow Phoenix!

Discount price will appear upon official checkout :)

Indie Author Tuesday: James C. Ellerbe

Even though James C. Ellerbe is a dope poet who has published a poetry collection, I would like to highlight his album. Yes, this month’s Indie Author Tuesday will be about an author’s poetry album.

James C. Ellerbe’s poetry album, Pulsar was released in 2018. Although, I am acquainted with his book, I heard some of his pieces from his album when we shared the stage in Baltimore, MD. I was blown away by his performance and diction. Unfortunately, it wasn’t until this year that I streamed the FULL album.

Whew! From the sound effects in Strange Matter, to the inspiring We are Superheroes, Ellerbe makes sure to leave our ears feeling satisfied. James speaks with passion and that passion doesn’t fizzle out when it comes to romance. What a Song Can Do drips of sultry prose and the sensuously accented voice of Lady Taffy featuring on the track. The heavenly and errie vocals in the intro lured me in as I listened to what a Pulsar really was. As Fraser Cain rides the beat bold, cocky and inspirational, I knew that I was going to enjoy the album. Back to Strange Matter. Besides the effects the lyrics

“Scatter our human rights to the wind, ‘til they’re gone with the wind” -Strange Matter, Ellerbe

It was heavy. It was potent. Addressing black value in this society while calling others to understand that yes, we matter too. The violins that marched along with James C. Ellerbe and Goddess Daye kept my attention as he proclaimed wisdom, exhortations about…. Nope, you gotta listen to it for yourself.

James C. Ellerbe E-Interview

1.       What inspired you to create and release a poetry album?

 I have always been influenced by hip-hop, Jazz, R&B, and Roots Reggae in my writings. I used to write hip-hop lyrics but found freedom in poetry. It was the natural progression to produce a poetry album. I didn’t have to follow a beat --the beat followed me. The beat is an extension of my pen --the beat doesn’t guide my pen.

2.       Pulsar. What’s the story behind the title of your album?

A pulsar is a collapsed neutron star that pulsates as it spins as radiation emits from its core. Each pulsar has its own signature sound wave --like my album --each track has its vibe.

3.       When creating Pulsar, did you intentionally use specific poetic devices? If so, what were they?

Yes, a lot of free verse, a lot of allegories, stream of consciousness, and alliteration encompasses this body of work.

4.       My favorite poem/piece is, Time, Time, Time. Cha’vaughn O’Neal is featured on this track. Did you initially intend to collab with an artist for Time, Time, Time when writing it?

 There are 2 features in that poem --Iam Imega Is also featured in the poem/track. Their contribution was an improvisation in the studio. Something was missing in the poem. They added that extra ingredient. Cha’vaughn was right on time in the studio. I am not a singer, so I wasn’t going to sing the Erykah Badu line. Hahaha!  She filled in perfectly.

5.       What was it like working with Lady Taffy?

 Hahaha, my wife!  She wasn’t going to have another woman say those things to me on the track! Hahaha!

6.       I Got a Date with the Devil. Without giving away too much, is this based on a true story (sans the symbolism)? What inspired you to write this piece?

Yes, it’s loosely based on one of my darkest moments. Obviously the protagonist was not actually a protagonist, but just the party involved. The dialogue was actually my internal monologue at that moment. She was the object of my temptation, unfortunately. It’s a moment I am not proud of and it took me 5 years to write because the guilt plagued me. Writing it was so freeing though. This poem is originally in my poetry book, Beyond the Event Horizon. It almost didn’t make the book, because I questioned whether it was too revealing. I am glad I shared it in my book and my album because now I am free.

7.       Let’s talk about the sound effects. Did you imagine what sounds you wanted to use? Describe that process. Was there a producer or did you do this all on your own?

The sound effects were created by none other than my engineer and poet, Iam Imega. He was the genius behind the effects. He took my themes and concepts and added the effects to punctuate what I had to say. I am still blown away by his genius!

8.        Any upcoming projects?

I am currently working on a poetry kids' book, which I plan on releasing before the end of the year. I am also in the brainstorming stages of producing another poetry album.

Order your copy of Pulsar today!